Sometimes the sun comes out, sometimes the earth screams your name and sometimes the stars sing your praises. Those are the days wroth living for. Those are the moments worth waiting to come. That loneliness you feel inside, that hurt, that pain - it’s transient. The sun will come out, you just have to have hope.
Nobody stays in my life. Everyone stays for a few seconds, a few minutes, a few hours, a few days, weeks, maybe a year or so, but then they get tired of me. They realize what kind of person I am. What I represent. Who I am. That’s when they run away, leave or forget me. It’s just how it goes, I guess. I know I’m young, I know I’m naive but for now: I’m alone.
Anger is just disgusting. When I get angry I become a vile person, a person who radiates nasty and vicious actions. When I’m angry I become disinhibited and vulgar. Anger is my enemy, anger is my fault, anger is my corruption.
Feeling lonely, it is vile, it is disgusting and it is sad. Feeling lonely makes you insecure, emotional and crazy. Feeling lonely takes you on this vomit-filled ride and you can’t escape it. Oh yeah, I get it, feeling lonely is horrible, but you know what else is horrible? People without parents, people begging for food on the street for a loaf of bread, people who have no family, no friends, no home. There is worse our there and feeling lonely is something curable. It is something self-inflicted. You know, we say that it’s inevitable, we say that it can’t be helped, but mind over matter people. Will power, strength, and being a pillar for your own life. It’s not impossible people, go out in the sunshine, go out in the rain, go out in a blizzard and make something beautiful happen. Drink some tea, hop to the store, sing a tune, shower with your bikini on and say “hello” to a stranger. You see? You can fix yourself, you can take away the loneliness, it’s very possible.
At the moment I’m going to label you will: asshole.
Crap. I think I just screwed over a friend. Great. Time to go distract myself with more Biology.
I’ve been up since 9:30 in the morning studying for exams. The longest break I took was for lunch, which was 30 minutes. It’s only 5:42 in the afternoon. I’m so drained and I’m not even close to being halfway down with studying. IB, you are just wonderful.